Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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