Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
