You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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