Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
