omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
