When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
