omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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