Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
