I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
