people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
