how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
