C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
