No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
