I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
