My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I CAN MOONWALK!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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