based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
