Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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