My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
