Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
