You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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