Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
