I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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