as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
