he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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