Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
that may or may not have been my penis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
