Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
