There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
