The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
