he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
