Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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