I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize