so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
