Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
