Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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