Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
