She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
