The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
