So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
