don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
