What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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