im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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