I don't think brook has ever known best
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
