apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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