please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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