it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
