In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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