U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
