If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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