New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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