I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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