im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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