nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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