i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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