Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
