Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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