i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
