Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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