so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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