Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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