I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
