I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
