Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
