Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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