I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
