perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
